How to Forgive

Why You Can't Forgive

Have you ever wanted to become better at Forgiving, but just don’t know how? The Four Steps to Forgiveness offers you a quick and easy way to start forgiving. It can lead to deep and profound changes in your life. Just start using it and you will see for yourself.

It is best to start using The Four Steps to Forgiveness with relatively small issues until you get the idea. Once you have some experience you can use it with buffer issues. (Keep in mind that “Forgiveness can include goodbye” or at some kind of negotiation around any future relationship if you are working on forgiving someone who could potentially cause you further hurt).

Think of a small issue you want to forgive and try the steps below.

The Four Steps to Forgiveness:

It is best to do the Four Steps in writing till you get some experience. (you can use The Four Steps to Forgiveness Worksheet)

Step 1: Write who you want to forgive and for what.

Step 2: Write a list of your current unhappy feelings about the situation. This is best if it is your honest gut feelings, not the nice, polite or politically correct version.

Step 3: Write a list of the benefits you will get from forgiving. This will mainly be the opposite of what you are currently feeling. Sadness will become happiness, anger will become peace, heaviness becomes a feeling of lightness and so on. If you are not sure about the benefits just choose a few general good feelings which you would like to have for now (happier, more at ease, more confident etc).

Step 4: Write an affirmation, which includes some of the benefits which you wrote in Step 3, which says that you want to forgive and that you accept the benefits which forgiveness brings.  Then you read the affirmation slowly in the silence of your mind at least 3 times. Then you return to Step 1, going through the steps again, and making any changes you want to make to what you wrote the previous time. Keep going round till you feel clear.

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Usually, you will end up with Four Steps which looks something like this:-

Example 1:

Imagine your friend John has started avoiding you and you do not know why.

1. I am willing to forgive John for avoiding me.
2. List of current unhappy feelings:  sadness, anger and fear.
3. List of Benefits: I will feel peace, freedom, happier, healthier, more peaceful.
4. Affirmation; I forgive John and I accept the peace and freedom which forgiveness brings.

Don’t forget to do the steps in writing and to go through the whole process at least a couple of times.

To help guide you through the steps here is a Four Steps to Forgiveness Worksheet.

The Four Steps to Forgiveness is from the book. Forgiveness is Power.

Written by: William Fergus Martin

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Four Steps to Forgiveness

A powerful way to freedom, happiness and success.

William Fergus Martin

ISBN: 978-1-63443-344-0