Four Steps to Forgiveness – Step 3 Tips

Why You Can't Forgive

In Step 3 we focus on the benefits which releasing these feelings will bring. It can also help to imagine how you will feel and and how will behave when you are free of those old painful feelings.

In this step (or in Step 2) you may start to realize how beneficial Forgiveness is because it means you are letting go of pain and choosing beneficial attitudes and actions instead. You then really begin to understand why Forgiveness is such a wonderful thing to do. If this realization dawns on you, then that is a very good sign as it will help motivate you to forgive.

Usually the benefits to forgiving are the opposite if the painful feelings. It is better to express these benefits in the their positive form “happy” rather than “not so sad”, “peaceful” rather than “not angry”. If not sure of the specific benefits you get from forgiving, then you can use generally good things you would like in your life right now – even if you are not sure they are relevant. “peace, happiness, success, abundance”.

If you used physical sensations to describe what you want to release then you can just use their physical opposite to describe the benefits in this step. a “cold and numb” sensations could become “warmth and aliveness”, “tight, unable to breath” becomes “free and breathing easily”, etc..

Benefits can also be stated in the form of actions, behavior or whatever appeals to you and can be very practical; “be more confident”, “get a better job”, “create a new happy relationship”.

Written by: William Fergus Martin