MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and Mens Rights groups in general are a growing movement. Google searches for “MGTOW” have doubled in the last year. They are still, on average, only about a tenth of the amount of searches for “mgtow” as for “feminism”, but considering feminism has being going for decades and MGTOW only a few years, this is a sign of a big change in men’s attitudes.
Men in some countries find that they no longer get a fair hearing from their Legal System and that core issues like rights of access to children after separation or divorce, financial responsibility and so on are not “equal” or “fair”, but are in fact now too much in favour of women. The men say that they have to pay maintenance to the women, but get no or very little right of access to the children.
It is understandable that men get angry when they feel such important issues are not being addressed properly and that not only is injustice being done; it’s being done in the name of the law.
Feelings run high in these kinds of situations and it can become “red pill rage”. When a man is facing a fundamental challenge to his sense of justice and his sense of identity he may angrily begin to question everything he once believed about life. The MGTOW/Men’s rights movement calls this “red pill rage”. (The “red pill” as you may remember was what the hero of the movie The Matrix needed to take to stay awake outside of the matrix.)
The MGTOW/Men’s Rights Stance
Anger is part of what fuels the changes men go through in “red pill rage”. This can cause such men to see anger as an essential part of their awakening. The result is that they may be tempted to hang on to rage as part of their new stance in life. However, it is better and healthier to let go of the rage and find other ways to create and maintain a new lifestyle.
Some men worry that if they lose their anger their resolve will weaken and they will become trapped in the “matrix” of their old way of life again. However, this is not true. A man can still be part of the MGTOW movement, if that is what he choses, and let go of red pill rage. It can look like MGTOW is all about red pill rage, as that is what many of the other men in MGTOW express. A lot of what a man initially comes across in the MGTOW movement is other men expressing and sharing their red pill rage and what happened to trigger it.
However, wiser heads in the men’s movement point out that red pill rage is just the beginning stage and that it is important to go beyond that and find a healthy and constructive purpose in life. When a woman (finding one or maintaining one) is not the centre of your life then what is? When you are thwarted rather than fulfilled by doing what society told you was right (i.e. support a family) then what will actually fulfil you? Rage by itself is not likely to help you find healthy answers to these questions.
A Constructive Life Purpose
Holding on to anger and rage is not a good long-term strategy as it puts the body and mind under intense stress. Besides, any life-style fuelled by bitterness and anger is not likely to be a happy one.
Finding a constructive life purpose is often a journey rather than quick fix. It arises from letting go of emotional and mental states which do not promote your health and cultivating emotional and mental states which do.
Even if our life is falling apart, we don’t have to fall apart as well. Even if we are losing everything we have worked for, we do not have to lose our sense of what is right and what is good. The more we focus on “the good, the beautiful and the true” (no matter what is going on around us) the more we discover the resources within us which lead to freedom and fulfilment in life. Expecting a quirky and fragile creature (perhaps in the form of a human female) to be the source of fulfilment for your life might not be the answer – to put it mildly.
There are many things which lead a man to red pill rage. You might have discovered that a woman you cherished was only after what she could get and moved on as soon as she saw a better option. Maybe you found that someone you loved and trusted, and who you worked hard at making happy, turns around and betrays you with someone else. You might discover that amicable divorce you were after – when all else failed – turns into a nightmare as you lose a large percentage of what you earned in your life up till now.
Letting go of Red Pill Rage
In such a situation, the anger of red pill rage can feel refreshing and empowering. The anger feels better than being stuck in feeling sad and depressed. However, this can cause us to go from idolising women to demonising them instead. Neither view is realistic. It just exchanges one time of imprisoning belief system, or matrix, for another.
To put it another way, it’s like the Ring of Power in Lord of the Rings. Red pill rage has a seductive charm which is corrosive and it eventually corrupts. Though an angry victim feels more empowered than a sad and depressed victim, they are still a victim. An angry victim can lose sight of the ways they think and behave like a victim as they don’t see the false, life-denying power their anger can eventually turn into. More and more of their thinking and feeling goes into maintaining their rage instead of into happy, healthy, life-enhancing thoughts, feelings and actions.
A man is not really going his own way if what he does is all about the ways he is angry at women. His life is still all about women, but just in a negative, reactionary and bitter way. He has moved from being the “hero” to becoming the “anti-hero” of the story. However, it is still not him who is writing the story, so he is not really going his own way.
We can choose to not be a victim at all. We can choose to find a happiness and fulfilment in life. We can choose to be in charge of our own life and not dependent on the whims and quirks of anyone be they man or woman.
Forgiveness sets us free so we can begin to write our own story. Forgiveness helps us rise above the maze (or matrix) of life and to see our way out.
Forgiveness is what frees us from being a victim.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t recommend Forgiveness because I think it is a “nice” thing to do. I recommend Forgiveness because it is a powerful thing to do. It frees you from the pain of the past. It also frees you from anger because anger is, after all, a form of pain. Forgiveness can help you find the peace and freedom you long for, no matter your religion – or even if you have no religion.
Our powerful, simple and quick method, Four Steps to Forgiveness, is free (you won’t even be asked for you email address) and it really works. Why not give it a try using the links on this page?
If you really want to go your own way, then why not see if Forgiveness can be part of your story and help you get out of the matrix in a happy, free and enjoyable way?
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William Fergus Martin