Men who have chosen to go MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), are involved in Men’s Rights, or who are even contemplating such a move, can gain much from the practise of Forgiveness.
When a man is facing a fundamental challenge to his identity – such as separation or divorce – especially if unwanted and unexpected – he may naturally feel a great deal of anger. The MGTOW/Men’s rights movement calls this “red pill rage”. (The “red pill” as you may remember was what the hero of the movie The Matrix needed to take to stay awake outside of the matrix.)
The MGTOW/Men’s Rights Stance
Some men in deciding to become MGTOW (or active in Men’s Rights) can be tempted to cling to their rage as a way of supporting the MGTOW/Men’s Rights stance in their life. They associate their awakening with being angry and they worry that if they lose their anger their resolve will weaken and they will become trapped in the “matrix” of their old way of life again. However, holding on to anger and rage is not a good long-term strategy as it puts the body and mind under intense stress. Besides, any life-style fueled by bitterness and anger is not likely to be a happy one.
Whether or not a man chooses to become MGTOW (I’ll use MGTOW to include being active in Men’s Rights from here even though they are very different things) Forgiveness can help him to let go of bitterness and anger. Forgiveness helps a man get beyond “red pill rage”. It’s better to make choices from the clarity and wisdom which Forgiveness brings than to consolidate painful experiences in a way which leaves them unresolved. Even if he still chooses to become MGTOW, the choice he makes will be based on his wisdom rather then being based on his wounds. Learning wisdom from our wounds is what gets us out of feeling like a victim. An angry victim feels more empowered than a sad and depressed victim, but they are still a victim. Forgiveness help free us from being a victim.
The wiser minds in the MGTOW movement encourage men to go beyond the “red pill rage” and discover a constructive life purpose and to even become “self actualised”. However, they don’t usually recommend forgiveness and tend hold the view that “women are the problem”.
We are all Victims of the Biological Imperative
If we make some other group of people “the problem”, then we don’t see how we are part of the problem. In a sense, we are all part of the problem to the extent that we are victims. In some ways, we are all victims of the Biological Imperative. The Biological Imperative is to mate and perpetuate the species. Our lives are run by this until we wake up and choose to live a life beyond our traditional roles. We tend to live blindly within our roles till some painful experience, or some kind of spiritual or religious experience, wakes us up.
We are all, both men and women, impelled to think, feel and behave in certain ways as part of our “programming” to find the most suitable mate and to move on to another mate if necessary. Yet it is this very behaviour which those in the MGTOW movement and those in the Feminist movement (and men and women in general) most object to in each other.
Is a man, stuck in the role dictated to him by the Biological Imperative, really justified in blaming a woman for what she does because of the ways she is similarly stuck in her role? (And vice versa of course).
They are both equally stuck. They are both equally unconscious. It is better to get beyond shame and blame and find a more constructive way of living. Looking around it is not hard to find very kind people and also very nasty people. We can find either type of person living in both male and female bodies.
Programmed to be Selfish
Our response to this Biological Imperative will vary deepening our level of personal development. Some people have a stronger moral character than others, so they behave better. However, few of us are immune from being influenced in some shape or form by this Imperative – and that makes us “selfish” as it is our genes which we are trying to perpetuate. Of course that is no justification for cruel behavior, but it does show that much of it is not really personal. People literally, “Know not what they do”.
Men and women are influenced differently by the Biological Imperative because the role of each gender in perpetuating the species is different. But it really comes down to the same thing, both sexes can get stuck in roles designed to perpetuate the species.
Taking a stance against members of the opposite sex is not going to set us free. What sets us free is the ability to forgive ourselves and to forgive others so that we can see the inner causes of things and not be blinded by anger and resentment. What sets us free is the desire to want others to be free also and to do what we can to help make that happen.
Forgiveness does not prevent us taking action against what we see as injustice. Nor does it prevent us from taking action to protect ourselves against injustice. However, Forgiveness does help us ensure that the action we take comes from the wiser part of ourselves. It helps us raise ourselves up from the combative “us against them” stance which so many men and women seem to be taking against those of the other gender.
Maintaining a combative stance against the opposite sex is still the Biological Imperative at work except it has dropped down to its most basic lowest level of dog-eat-dog. This is still being trapped by the Biological Imperative. It does not raise us up a level above the norm; it drops us down a level below the norm. We don’t have to drop out of life, we can ascend and live above the Biological Imperative – at least relative to how it normally influences us.
Living Above the Biological Imperative
What is above the Biological Imperative? The alternative is to live a level above the norm and live a conscious life where our thoughts, feelings and behavior are not just the result of our social conditioning. Just like nature works on multiple levels from the basics of pond-life to the beauty of a sunset or a bird in flight, so the Biological Imperative also works on multiple levels. It pushes us to offer something to the world either as unconscious individuals playing out our gender roles or as conscious individuals who can really help the transformation of human society out of “pond life” into something higher and better.
Men do not need to go from idolising women to demonising them instead. Neither view offers a balanced and healthy perspective. It is better to realise the fact that there are conscious people and there are unconscious people of both genders. How we relate to someone needs to depend more on whether they are conscious or unconscious rather than what type of body they happen to inhabit.
A man is not really going his own way if what he does is all about the ways he is angry at women. His life is still all about women, but just in a negative, reactionary and bitter way. He has moved from being the “hero” to becoming the “anti-hero” of the story. However, it is still not him who is writing the story, so he is not really going his own way.
Forgiveness sets us free so we can begin to write our own story. Forgiveness helps us rise above the maze (or matrix) of life and to see our way out.
If you really want to go your own way, then why not see if Forgiveness can be part of your story and help you get out of the matrix in a happy, free and enjoyable way?
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William Fergus Martin